Deborah Tannen

You Were Always
Mom's Favorite!:
Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives

You're Wearing THAT?:
Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation

I Only Say This Because
I Love You:
Talking to Your Parents, Partner, Sibs, and Kids When You're All Adults

The Argument Culture:
Stopping America's War of Words

Talking from 9 to 5:
Women and Men at Work.

You Just Don't Understand!:
Women and Men in Conversation

That's Not What I Meant!:
How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships


You're Wearing THAT?:
Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation

Ten weeks on the New York Times Best Seller List

They are the best of conversations; they are the worst of conversations.  Talk between mothers and grown daughters can be both.

Why do adult daughters complain that their mothers always criticize, while mothers feel hurt that their daughters shut them out? Why do mothers and daughters critique each other on the Big Three-hair, clothes, and weight - while longing for approval and understanding? Why does each want to be seen for who she really is, while blaming the other for falling short of who she should be?  This book answers these and many other questions, explaining why a remark that would be harmless coming from anyone else can cause an explosion when it comes from your mother or your grown daughter.

With groundbreaking insights, pitch-perfect dialogues, and deeply moving memories of her own mother, who passed away while she was writing this book, Tannen untangles the knots daughters and mothers can get tied up in. Readers will appreciate the humor as they see themselves on every page and come away with real hope for breaking down barriers and opening new lines of communication.  Eye-opening and heartfelt, this book shows why these relationships are so fraught and what daughters and mothers can do to make their conversations—and their relationships—better.
To read a brief article by Deborah Tannen about this book, click here. 


“Deborah Tannen decodes the veiled insults, hmms, and oh, reallys? between mothers and daughters.  The implications behind the spoken words are so familiar, it hurts when you laugh.”
O Magazine
 “The effect of [Tannen's] anecdotes and analysis is to reassure her readers that they are not alone.”
The Wall Street Journal

“[Tannen] describes the intense connections between mothers and daughters - and how we press each other's buttons.”
Good Housekeeping

“So many women say, 'I thought when my daughter grew up we'd be friends,' says Deborah Tannen. In her new book , she explores why this can be tough and what can help.” People Magazine



You're Wearing THAT?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation


Buy the Book:
Barnes & Noble
Find an Independent Bookseller Near You
Random House

Also Available:
Abridged audio CD read by the author
Abridged audiobook download read by
the author (also available on iTunes)
Unabridged audiobook download
(also available on iTunes)
Unabridged audio CD

Foreign Editions:
Arabic, Obeikan Research & Development
Brazil, Elsevier
Czech Republic, Zoner Press
Denmark, Akademisk Forlag
Germany, Random House
Greece, Enalios
Holland, Prometheus/ Bert Bakker
Israel, Triwaks
Italy, Frassinelli
Korea, Boogle Books
Poland, Gdanskie Wydawnictwo
Spain, RBA Libros
Sweden, Optimal Forlag

© 2009 Deborah Tannen